My Pedestrian Identity

I assume everyone reading this had to go through many levels of extremely tight security and clearances because I can’t just give my “real” identity to anyone. I mean, you all must be members of the Awesome League of Awesomeness, right? Right…If any of you squeal my secrets, I swear I will open up a can of Stinkybutt on you so fast, you’ll have to shower for weeks before the fumes will stop radiating from you like heat waves off a sidewalk.

Ahem. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, when I’m not fighting injustices and/or unnecessary cheerfulness, I go by the name of “Christina.” By day I’m an art student at an unnamed university (by night, I cry myself to sleep while clutching a two-dollar bottle of wine – but you don’t need to know that). I disguise my blobtacular physique in polo shirts and jeans from Walmart (Faded Glory FTW) and nobody is the wiser.

Sometimes, my superpowers get the best of me and before I know it, I’ve blasted an entire classroom in Really Awkward sauce. Luckily, I have years of practice mopping up that mess.

Here I am as "Christina"