Why hasn't anybody called What Not to Wear on me?

Come on, people! I've been a fashion abomination for years now, heck, decades. And still, no one has cared enough to call Stacy and Clinton. For shame, dudes, for shame. I guess I'm a bit perturbed because I took this picture with brilliant Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson on February 5th, 2009:


In which I enlighten Neil about the universe

...and something about it tugged a chord of memory until, digging through old photos, I found this ditty circa...oh, fuck, I don't know...1996?


In which I destroy OJ at Scrabble

How is it possible that I haven't changed my hair/glasses/clothing styles in 13 years? And none of it was any good to begin with! And why do I keep hanging out with light-skinned black dudes with questionable mustaches?